Working on the laptop 14 hrs everyday day , the noble idea of starting again with the “it” thing Start up.

Its been almost an year now and we are still struggling. The journey has been a lonely one. Especially for me. I have lost touch with most of my friends. My family is angry with me for the decision of leaving a stabilised job and career.

I have had a few bitter short relationships in a futile and clumsy effort to hold on to something which has left me more bereft than ever. I used to be a pen and paper gal and now laptop actually occupies all of my lap all the time.

The shift started with much zest to do something disruptive and the idea of changing the world and making it a better place.

To live alone comes with a package of its own. You stop laughing. You stop being silly. Your colleagues are overly criticising, you lose the child in you. Because you put up a mask of all knowing entrepreneur, when inside you are scared and alone.

I come from a very cushioned background. I used to be a happy go lucky person who never thought what would happen tomorrow. Now tomorrow scares me.

Words were my friends once, they helped me to be me and now i don’t know if i am me anymore. People tell you when you reach the top it is lonely up there but no one actually tells you the journey is more painful. You lose an inch of belief in your vision everyday while scaling up the mountain.

People say make failures your friend but i lost my friends when i started making too many failures. I yearn to be silly and talk about things which make no sense but i cant.

Somewhere when we started it was because we laughed together and we were silly together but now, i cannot be silly with people i started with.

People change, life flows but i feel people only change when they want to or when they are made to . i don’t recognize myself anymore this melancholy surrounds me almost all the time.

I lost myself on the way up and i don’t like myself anymore.

I used to laugh so much take things lightly , now i frown when things are made light of. I believed in our vision and now i feel i will quit any day. I don’t want to run away. I want to be that person with conviction and life, i used to be but things change, people change and i have changed.

No doubt people say behind successful people there are other people. That is the profound truth of doing something great. you need great people to be with you and here I am all alone with my start up.